I didn’t post an update last week because I got a little too wrapped up in other stuff, so it just didn’t happen. I wouldn’t have had much to report, and to be honest, I don’t have a lot to report this week, but I’m posting an update regardless.
This morning, I weighed in at 231. I’m SO close to the 220s; I can TASTE it! That means that I’m down two pounds in 2 weeks. At least it’s headed in the right direction albeit VERY slowly.
I also had monthly labs drawn last week. It was an absolute nightmare, but I got through it. (I’m a hard stick, but I’d gotten used to going into this lab and getting stuck on the first try. Last Friday though, it took FIVE people and FOUR different sites to get the specimens for the tests I needed run. It was crazy!)
My lab results were somewhat perplexing. My creatinine fell another tenth of a point to 1.3, but my BUN went back up to 24. (It was 20 in the August draw.) My anion gap (AGAP) also went up to 16.3, so I’m definitely not headed in the right direction with kidney function.
I did some research, consulting Dr. Google, and I came up with some comprehensive resources explaining elevated AGAP. Apparently, beta-hydroxybutyrate (the ketone body that fuels me when I’m fat-adapted) can raise AGAP (along with a list of toxins, acetone, and acetoacetate.) It got me wondering if my kidney function issues at this point are merely a function of deep ketosis and some dehydration and there really isn’t anything to worry about. I won’t know until I can talk it over with the doc, but it definitely gave me something to think about.
On a completely different note, I joined a Facebook support group many months ago, but it wasn’t until just recently that I discovered the utility of the group. Without those folks, I doubt I’d be moving down at all. It’s hard to keep your eyes on the prize when you feel like you’re working really hard just to tread water. Folks in that group have helped me put things into perspective without them (or me) even realizing it.
Yesterday, two important things happened. First, a gal on the Facebook group was posting about pants that she hadn’t tried on in months. She put them on and they fell off of her, and she was surprised because the last time she wore them, they were more than snug. That little story got me thinking. I own two pairs of dress pants. I wore them through the winter with various sweaters when I went to church. Both pairs of pants are size 24W. By the time I quit wearing those pants (because of weather), one was fairly roomy and the other fit perfectly. The thing is though, I’ve lost at least 20 pounds since I last wore those pants, and I’d taken for granted the fact that I’m just going to start wearing them when it gets cold in the fall. Were it not for that gal’s post, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that I AM making changes, and I’m going to have to buy some new pants for church!
The second thing that happened to me yesterday was an epiphany about my eating habits. As far as I can confirm (by looking back through my notes), I haven’t had even a BITE of off-plan food since at least August 7. (I might have a couple more days under my belt, but I can’t confirm that.) I’ve made a conscious effort every day to keep eating on plan for the sake of my health and my family, and it’s not always easy.
What was different about yesterday was that I actually felt in control of my body and my eating. The realization hit me when I was reading about someone who’d eaten off-plan food and was feeling pretty awful. Boy, could I identify with that because that’s been me WAY more times than I can count. The thing was though, it COULD have been me yesterday. I had this irrational craving for cheese crackers that were filled with peanut butter. I was obsessing about them, even going as far as imagining the texture in my mouth as I chewed them. I REALLY wanted those crackers. I had even started to go as far as justifying them. “I’ve been ‘good’ for so long. I can eat one or two, and it’s not going to be that big a deal.”
It was at THAT very moment that I realized I was headed into dangerous waters, and it was like I stomped on the brakes and brought the whole thing to a screaming halt. “NO, Sarah! You know you can’t eat just one or two. You’ll have to eat the whole pack. Then, that’ll trigger other cravings, and you’ll convince yourself that it’s OK. You’ll get back on track tomorrow. And by the time everything’s said and done, you will have gained 10lb, it’ll take about two weeks to get back into ketosis, and then it’ll take you FIVE weeks to get those pounds off. Is it really worth it?”
The thing is, I didn’t realize what an accomplishment it was that I’d talked myself out of crackers until I read about another woman’s struggles. I know that I’m ALWAYS dancing on the edge when it comes to my food, and if I let my guard down even for a SECOND, I’m spending weeks on damage control when I could have been moving closer to my goal instead.
I remember hearing Jimmy Moore talking once about his experience with nutritional ketosis. He was basically saying that he didn’t understand why folks wouldn’t protect their ketosis with all they were worth because it makes things so much easier. He’s right, and I didn’t get it ’til recently. I get it now, and because I get it, it’s easier to protect it. It’s easier to keep from letting my guard down. (I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s definitely less challenging than it was before.)
I guess that brings me to my next epiphany — one I had just now as I was typing this post. Jimmy Moore has changed my life more than he can ever know, and for that, I am so grateful. Without his podcasts, without all the information that his experts bring to the table, without his personal experiences in his “N=1” experiments, and without his personal words of encouragement when I’ve contacted him via e-mail, I’m certain that I’d be stuck in the same cycle of yo-yo “dieting”, diabetes, cardiovascular issues, and more. Even when I’ve strayed away from the path since starting this new push to get healthy back in 2011, his voice was that distant call in the woods that would always lead me back to safety. For that, I couldn’t be more thankful.
Everyone who’s followed me knows that I haven’t always gotten it right. I’m resolved to share failures alongside successes though because I’m not a superhuman. I’m just a mom and a wife with real world issues who’s trying to do something that’s REALLY hard. If my struggles can encourage even one person, I feel like it’s worth it, and I’m happy to share as long as folks are happy to read.
What we do matters, folks. Always remember that we have choices.